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The Marlboro man would be proud of the Smoking Iron group. In just one week they have moved from smokin’ one pack a day to two. Just last week they lit up Nine Irish for their first win of the season and they were hooked on the sweet addiction of winning.
On another beautiful day for hurling, the Smoking Iron Alterations team headed to the corner gas station to pick up a few different packs to try. First up was the brand new pack of Dugan and Voland. The Dugan and Voland brand is known for its defensive bite in Littlejohn and Connery and its toasty offense in the guise of Fagan and Griffith. Fortunately, for the Smoking Iron, the pack wasn’t full and they quickly smoked the whole thing; 7-10 to 2-10. The highlight of the game was Smoking Iron Owner Mike Dollinger making a pass that lead to a goal score.
After a bit of time to clear the lungs, the Iron was back to try a pack of Harley Davidson Hogs. The hogs lit up early and easily in the game giving up 2 quick goals to the potent Smoking Iron offense. Matt Mickleson played an early role for the squad. However after tasting early success, the game became a total drag for the yellow stained team as Harley dug in defensively and it became a choking game of attrition. Both teams were not able to mount much offense as the defenses fouled up the air and ground attacks for each team.
Getting towards the end of the game Harley was able to score a goal to bring it within 2 points but the Smoking Iron went to their usual blow torch attack in Jacob Wilkes and the Iron finished the pack with a score line of 5-8 to 3-6. With this win the Smoking Iron finds themselves in a fabulous position of 3 wins and 0 losses in the early portion of the season.
The surgeon general has warned the Smoking Iron that there are some teams ahead that could be hazardous to their health, namely next week’s opponent Connors Pub, which has gone smokeless in recent years.
After the game, Smoking Iron Captain Laura Barnhart (pictured) was heard to say “If I had known that Smokin’ em would feel so good, I would have started years ago.”
In a related move, it was announced that the Speerharts have broken up to allow Laura to pursue her new love…Smoking Jay Cutler. A picture of the new found couple was taken by the paparazzi recently canoodling at Burns Fields.
Match Day 2, on the octave of Easter, opened with dazzling, deep blue skies and radiant sunshine. The azure dome a perfect backdrop for official pictures of all the squads. The sun’s gentle warmth was often whisked away by a chilling breeze, but the glorious day promised for glories sporting. The vaunted brethren of 9 Irish Brothers took to the pitch to redeem themselves after a disastrous, painful opening on Palm Sunday since passed and turn Team Picture Day into Statement Day.Statement noted. In a day of domination reminiscent of sporting beatdowns of yesteryear turned legend, 9 Irish Brothers carried the day. Though not on the bludgeon scale of an Ali asking Patterson “What’s my name?” or the runaway of a Triple Crown-clinching Belmont by Secretariat it was certainly one of which has the team thinking top-of-table thoughts. Had Dick Vitale been calling this game he undoubtedly would have exclaimed, “Are you kidding me? It’s an NC, baby, no contest, it’s a bloodbath, it’s party time at 9 Irish bar! These guys are awesome, baby!” or some such Vitalish rave. The first blade of grass crumbled by the sliotar upon its release from the official’s hand was a small portend of what was to be. Lad and lass alike clad in the checkered Green and Black laid claim to the little white ball in a grip that was smothering and never-ending. Winning free balls sideline to sideline and goal line to goal line. The taste of rawhide was a rare delicacy for the opposition’s hurls as their wood knew only grass and air on this day. Hotel Tango did not provide the partner needed to live up to its name, as everyone knows it takes two. Sunday was a solo dance of death leaving Hotel Tango empty, vacant. Possession of that little spherical object of attention was gained over and over and over again in a maniacal game of keep-away. No ball, no scores. And when one cannot feast on scores, one dies broken and emaciated. Such were the denizens, yea, members of Tango as they scored a mere pittance. All the while 9 Irish steamrolled their way to 17 scores, their checkered flag jerseys waving in the Spring air signifying their place on the top step of this day. Victors. The final score of 6-11:1-2 speaks to it. Let the presence of the Green and Blacks be known league-wide. We are here.
With storms looming in the background, Flat 12 and Daredevil took the field. In its first game of the season against the reigning football champs, the Daredevil team showed they were up to the challenge. The veterans of the Daredevil team proved their worth against a seemingly unsettled Flat 12 side, quickly scoring a goal and adding on points while managing to keep the mighty Flat 12 forwards scoreless.
Daredevil set the tone early, making statement goals and upping the physical intensity. Alan Henvey started the season at high intensity with 2 goals and 2 points, proving his worth on the football pitch. Barry Moore, Taylor Howenstine, and Brogan Sheedy owned the midfield, winning high catches and making their presence known with some heavy hitting.
But Flat 12 was able to fight back with a vengeance and in the second half they were able to close in on Daredevil, with their scoring proving that they will be a team to contend with. Paul Flynn knocked in 3 goals while fighting off the stout defense of Daredevil, carrying the Flat 12 offense with his intensity. With Flat 12 closing the gap, Daredevil settled in for a fight and was able to shut down the onslaught of Flat 12 fury with the defensive tenacity of Reid Smith and Tim Cabeen, with Adam Speer controlling the defense from between the posts.
Two new teams, Tappers Arcade Bar and Bier Brewery, faced off in Round 1 of the Pub League Gaelic Football season, and what a battle it was. Tappers dealt the first blow to the Dankzillas in the opening minutes, but as in all Dankzilla stories, the beasts would not go down without a fight.
Goals from Ty Bremer and Eamonn McGilloway were countered with scoring from Bier’s Tyler Gail and Ian Corbett. Tappers went into halftime with the lead, confident in their game plan (which was something like up, up, down, down, right, left, right, left, kick).
The second half was a demonstration of holding onto a lead, and Coach Shoe knows all about demos. He schooled the opposition in how to play tough, physical defense. Coach Jarlath O’Malley added a further lesson on how to perform a flawless hook kick to put one over the bar.
A debut point for Nick Hoover helped keep Tappers score a step ahead, and a lapse in the Bier defense allowed Tappers half-forward Adam Toner to play pass in front of goal which was pin-balled from boot to post and past the keeper for 3.
Wave after wave of Dankzilla attacks were fended off by Paul Bentley, Gartzke, and Cody Ladd before the final whistle blew, and Tappers could put their initials into the High Score list.